My Story

For a long time I wanted to share (briefly) my own experience of living with M.E (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and how I came to completely recover. Not because I believe my story to be unique, but because it is a positive story about recovery from an illness that I thought would hound me forever!! So here goes.

The first time I took any notice of my symptoms was when my body forced me too!!! One weekend in Dunkirk on a Martial Arts training weekend was to change the path my life would lead for the next 6 years. One minute I was training the next I was on the floor. I was so frightened. I couldn’t walk or stand. I just could not understand how a healthy 20 something became so ill so quickly??? I couldn’t do anything!

I was diagnosed with exercise induced asthma! Inhalers of course didn’t work. So the tests began. MRI’s to rule out M.S, blood tests and so on!! But nothing! Then the suggestion of M.E was batted about!

I did discover that I had had Glandular fever a couple of years earlier, but never received the results. So, all the times I had felt unwell, I just thought it was a cold /malaise and just carried on....

I was finally diagnosed about a year later, after ticking all the boxes for 12 long months. I was prescribed the normal cocktail of medication which made me feel awful and was designated graded activities. I hated this. I felt completely disempowered and useless.

This may be a good time to tell you a little about my lifestyle at the time. I helped run a business, I trained A LOT, horse riding, kick boxing, aerobic classes, running and going to the Gym. (I am tired now just thinking about all that activity) I partied quite a bit and followed a very healthy diet. My life was good. Well, my mind thought it was. My body however was less than pleased!! As I discovered!

When I found out I had M.E I felt life had come to an end. So, I started reading the books and went along to a M.E meeting and the prognosis was grim & negative! I just wanted an Illness that would be easily solved with magic pills and then get back on with life.

Ummm....no such luck.

During the years that followed I rode the rollercoaster of virtual hell. I just couldn’t get the balance right. I was so cross with myself for being ill with something most people thought was a joke. If one more person told me they experienced tiredness the same as me I would have saved up all my energy to set them straight! Psychically not verbally!! What those people failed to grasp was that I had no other choice! A good night’s sleep never re-charged the otherwise dead battery!!

But nothing worked. I was resting / sleeping all the time, but still couldn’t muster up the energy to wash my own hair, hold a regular knife and fork, even a newspaper seemed too heavy sometimes URGHHHHHH I was so frustrated.

The hardest part of the battle really was with myself. I know this may come across light hearted, trust me I FELT anything but.

My partner who was my main carer stuck around to become the now Husband. He deserved a medal. I must have been so much fun to live with!! I really could bore you with all the details about the pain and depression, but I feel you are best spared!

I started my slow journey to discovery when I accepted I had M.E. It really was the first step forward! I then had a hard look at myself. If I continued to crave my old life, I would not get better. My old life had made me sick after all! Why would I want that again???

So, I had to consider the possibility of creating a new me, a different me, an updated version. I decided with the support of my consultant to stop the medication which was an empowering decision for me.

Please don’t forget this is my experience and you should not stop any medication without consultation with your GP.

I then found the most amazing Reflexologist and then discovered my healthy diet didn’t suit me!!! I became dairy, wheat, banana & grape free! I began to feel better within weeks. Brilliant!!

I took time to do nice things that didn’t exhaust me. (As opposed to obsessing about the lack of housework!) I made cards and did flower arranging (hey, I had to do something!) I then went back to college to learn various non mentally absorbing subjects before I embarked on my training to be a Counsellor.

Slowly, my minutes of feeling better turned into hours to days and now to Years.

M.E is about the individual. Having had my own experience I can comment from a place of knowledge. This illness has links to the subconscious mind. There is a lesson to be learnt. A lesson about how you are ‘doing’ life. Your body is giving VERY clear signals that it does not appreciate your lifestyle or your way of thinking!!

I have worked with many people with M.E and all without exception have been highly functional people, people who are the least likely to allow life to pass them by. People who demand so much of themselves!!!! And here is I believe one of the lessons that is fundamentally important to facilitate recovery and that is accepting you can’t always get it right or do everything!!

You are but human I am afraid. Setting expectation of self too high can result in problems!! Attempting to be perfect or presenting so can unfortunately make you Ill.

I have been in full recovery for 10 years now and that feels amazing to say because there was a time when the light at the end of the tunnel did not exist! I have learnt not only to acknowledge the warning signs but to listen. M.E is a journey of discovery about self. Like it or not.

If you would like to chat with me on any of the above please feel free to email or call.